To All The Moms My Children Had Before Me

My children are unique and special.  Through the gracious gift of adoption, I was blessed to get to be their momma.  However, I am not their only momma.  My daughter has had 5 moms. My sons have had 3.   They spent much of their young lives in foster care. There is nothing more humbling than this.  When I wear my mom shirts at their sporting events, I wear it proudly, knowing that they had other mothers.   

I have thought many times what I would say to the women who came before me.  Today, on the 5th anniversary of our “Gotcha” day, I want to say a few things to these ladies.

To all the moms my children had before me,

First and foremost, thank you for the role that you have played in their lives.  No matter how long you had them, you have made an impact.  While I wish that could say that all of it was good, I can’t, just like I can’t say that have been perfect.  For their sake, I wish I could say that we have all been the perfect parent, but I can’t.

No matter the good, or the bad, you helped shape these children into who they are today.  I may get to be their forever mom, but you were their mom when they needed you.  Thank you for taking care of them, but also for letting them go.  You see, had you never let them go, then they would not have found their way to me.                

I want to thank you for every boo-boo you kissed, every tear you wiped, every smile you gave them.  If you were there for my children in any way I am appreciative. 

To the mom that Kisha had as a baby, she looks at the pictures you gave us and talks about how much you must have loved her.  I know that it nearly killed you when you had to give her back.  Just know that you will always hold a special place in my heart for how you helped her then. 

However, there are things that some of you did that I wish you had never done.  Things that I know still haunt them today.  For those things, I am trying hard to find forgiveness for you.  You see, you didn’t fail as a parent, you failed as a human.  You were entrusted to keep them safe, and to cause them no harm.  You were trained on the do’s and don’ts of child care. Yet, they remember the time you busted their piggy bank in the floor because you were mad and made them clean it up.  They remember the time you dressed them up in a dress and called them a “sissy”.  They remember the time you whipped them with a belt because they ate a donut.  They remember never being allowed to call you “mom” or “dad”.  They remember being told “not to tell” when people were around.  They remember so much bad, and not enough good.  I am so thankful that they are away from you.  I am so thankful that God only let them be in your path for a short part of their lives. 

Finally, to their birth mom.  Thank you for bringing them into this world. You will never know how thankful I am that you did.  They are wonderful, beautiful children.  They are smart, kind, and compassionate.  It took both of us to make that happen.  I can’t imagine how it must feel to know that the children you gave birth to, call another person mom.  I imagine that if it were me, my heart would be broken.  Please know that I do my best everyday for them, and I understand the gift I have been given.   I don’t know what the future holds for all of us, but our lives will forever be intertwined because of our children.


The Forever Mom

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